Dear Luiza: When in Doubt, Speak the Truth
I’m confused. I’ve been seeing this really cute Polish guy for the last month, and when I told my best friend that I was holding out, and wanted to wait to have sex until I knew it was right, she said: “How quaint.” I’m really attracted to him, and it’s been hard not to go all the way, so should I give it up ?
What do you want? Summer sex, or a long term relationship? Whereas I admire your wisdom and have no doubt your instinct is showing you the path that is right for you, much depends on your goals.
Every guy enjoys a good chase, so don’t feel pressured to jump the gun and hand out the goods. On the contrary, stick to your guns, speak the truth and save yourself a lot of trouble and unnecessary hurt.
Let him know you find him really hot, but need some time to find the place in yourself where you are above any doubt.
To help you get there, ask yourself this question: Do you feel comfortable with your own sexuality? Do you know how to give yourself an orgasm? Would you know how to guide your partner to give you an orgasm?
Unless you can answer these questions with a confident ‘yes’ you will probably be sitting in my office in five years’ time, crying because your sex-life has evaporated, and intimacy no longer exists.
Precisely because it still is a taboo subject, I want to make sure you are comfortable and free of guilt at that level. When in truth, you may claim you can be self-reliant, free of any dependency in intimacy, and free of self-judgement, you might also be ready to share sex with your new admirer.
And yes, there are one or two other criteria and topics to cover, but those we shall keep for another time.
Whatever you decide to do right now, I wish you a glorious summer in our beautiful Krakow.