Dear Luiza: I Cannot Stand it if My Husband Touches Me

Dear Luiza,

My husband and I have been together for many years and have two children, aged four and five. When our oldest child was six months old, we started a company together and invested all we had – money, energy and time.

We disagree on quite a number of things in business, and this has had consequences for our sex life. Right now, I cannot stand it if my husband touches me. Kisses and hugs seem disgusting. Of course this frustrates him, but it also frustrates me. Why am I like this? I did not have much sexual experience before we met – perhaps I am just not the ‘sexy’ type. It’s very important for my husband though. He believes we are not a couple if we do not share sex. Please give me some suggestions to help us out of this horrible situation.

Desperate, Jean

Dear Jean,

Reading between the lines, I’d say your lives are 90 percent work and 10 percent play. Living like that makes it difficult to also see your partner as a lover and best friend. Instead, it becomes a work situation with the focus on ‘getting things done.’

I think you should both have a talk about how you could add more love, warmth and fun to your everyday relationship. Physical contact is very important. If we don’t get it, our fuses run short and even little things annoy us. Perhaps you could agree to go to bed earlier and just lie around enjoying each other’s presence. No sex – just relax and allow yourselves to be in the moment. Be careful not to treat it as one more thing that needs to be done. You will soon see the benefits.

It is common in all couples for there to be intervals without sex, but it shouldn’t be allowed to go on for too long. Give your husband a good massage. It is important that you are the one in control. Once you feel comfortable in that role, you can switch more easily between passive and active. I am sure you will soon see a return on this investment.

Wishing you luck,

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