Dear Luiza: Time and Time Again I Let Her Down

Dear Luiza,

Shortly before Christmas, I got out of a long relationship and relatively quickly found a new girlfriend who I fell madly in love with.

For the first couple of months, we had the most amazing sex, but over the last month I’ve had problems getting an erection. Even if I succeed my penis goes dead just at the critical moment. It’s extremely frustrating.

I can feel how badly I want her and she is very willing, but time and time again I let her down or disappoint her. She is really nice and understanding and in no way humiliates or demeans. What can I do ? I am 30 years old.

Yours, Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Perhaps you and your girlfriend should cool it for a while. Go easy on the sex side – relax and emphasise the love and friendship.
It’s always a good idea to pay attention to what your body is telling you. Perhaps it is prompting you to ask: “Can I trust her?” ”Will she stay with me when our crazy, sexy, falling-in-love relationship becomes more normal and settled ?”

Maybe you’ll find it a little ridiculous that I (or your subconscious) am asking all these questions, because you would probably answer them all positively. But your subconscious (through your body) is telling you to change focus, to find other ways of being together. You say your sex life was fantastic, but how is your communication work? Have you talked about the future? Does she want children?
It’s a huge thing to let a new person into your life, especially a partner you might spend the next 40 years with. Relationships that are only based on sex quickly fade away.

Your challenge is to answer the question: “Do we have anything in common without sex?” Breathe deeply and accept things as they are right now. The rest will follow.

Wishing you long-lasting happiness,



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