Dear Luiza: I Don’t Like Sex

Dear Luiza,

I’m a 22 year-old girl and I have never had sex with the same guy twice. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend, which is probably my own fault. Each time I meet a guy, it’s always about sex, sex, sex. It’s as if all guys expect sex on the first date. My problem is that I don’t really want sex, and I don’t really enjoy it. Actually, I’m disgusted by a man’s ‘private parts’ and I certainly don’t enjoy being penetrated. I do like foreplay, but only as long as it’s about me. I cannot make myself perform a hand-job, let alone oral sex, which makes me want to throw up. What should I do? Guys like to have sex in a relationship, but what can I do to feel safe and happy?


Dear Julie,

It’s never a good idea to force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. Your body will remember all the moments when you pushed yourself beyond your limits and did something you should not have allowed to happen. My advice would be to decide that, from now on, you will not have sex with anybody until you have developed some kind of feelings for him and he has developed feelings for you. Forget the idea that all guys want sex straight away, because it’s not true. Men fall in love with a woman’s personality, not her sexuality, and that’s important to re- member next time you feel pressured to go home with somebody. Be honest. Say you’ve never had sex with a guy you love, and that you want that to be the next step in your life. Remain open to meeting a man, talking with him, hugging him and even kissing and holding hands, but avoid sex until you are absolutely sure. You can set all the limits you want. You are the one who should decide about your life. Saying ‘no’ is just as valid as saying ‘yes.’

Hugs from Luiza

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *