Dear Luiza: Should I Confess?
I have a wonderful girlfriend. We’ve been together over a year, and I am head over heels in love with her. We now live together and get along very well. Before our relationship started, I watched a lot of porn and used sex chats on a regular basis. Since we became a couple, I have fallen back into my old habits on two occasions, and bought a sex show from a woman I met in a chat room. Both times it was because I was bored, not because I’m missing anything in my relationship. I’ve never cheated on my girlfriend and never would. The last of the two incidents happened over six months ago, but I still feel really bad about it, and I know she’d never accept it if she found out. Should I confess anyway?
Try turning the whole thing around and seeing it from the positive side. Before you met your girlfriend, you spent a lot of time on porn and sex chats. It sounds as if you stopped very abruptly when you met her, maybe immediately? So you relapsed twice in a year. That’s a pretty amazing achievement. I see that as a great victory. If it is your goal to drop porn and sex chats completely, you have pretty well achieved your objective. Well done! The two times you slipped are now more than six months back. I think you should see that as a success too. If you tell your girlfriend about the incident now, you drag something from the past back up and give it new life, and run the risk of hurting her for no reason. If your torment is so great you feel you must tell her, it might be wise to present it as a tale of evolution rather than a plea for forgiveness. You should only tell her if you think it will take your relationship to a higher level – only if it will benefit both of you and contribute to your evolution and progress.
Many smiles to you: Luiza