Dear Dr Ovlowskawska,
I went on a couple dates with this nice bloke. He opens doors for me, is a hand-kisser, which I heard from Polish girlfriends can be tacky, but he’s very sweet. He has definitely expressed interest in me but when I saw him recently he made some comments about spanking. The last time I was spanked was when I was two years old. Call me a prude, but I intend to keep it that way. What should I do? Kindly tell him it’s not working out, and it’s not him it’s me? Or be more blunt?
The world is full of both strange and wonderful people. My guess is that mental spanking isn’t part of Mister Hand-kisser’s repertoire, so being cruel to be kind and telling him to get lost may be a little rough on the poor fellow.
Instead you might grab the opportunity to take a crash course in how to handle a Polish ‘indiwidualista.’
One day, when you feel strong and are in a safe place (perhaps a crowded restaurant), lean across the candlelit table, look him straight in the eye and ask: ‘I want to understand, I want to know more about you. You mentioned something about spanking. What is going on?’
Even if you have already decided that spanking is not your thing, you might learn some very interesting lessons about the human mind. You might find yourself opening doors to a very vulnerable place.
Most of us yearn to be loved. That means being seen, heard and accepted for who we are – without judgment. Maybe he just needs to share his kinky tendencies with someone who doesn’t turn away in disgust.
Tell him that you hear him, that you think it’s an interesting concept, but that it doesn’t appeal to you. Tell him you admire and appreciate the courage and confidence he has shown in you, by sharing such intimate information.
This is not lying – you are demonstrating respect for him whilst remaining true to yourself. It’s a tall order, and you may decide not to run the risk, but if you think you can handle it, you stand to gain a lot.
Good luck to you