Love Life: Modern Day Vampires

Dear Dr. Ovlowska,

I just moved to Krakow. It has been hard to meet people, but I’m trying. Last week I met a nice boy whom I would describe as a loner type. He smokes, is an artist and seems cerebral and mercurial. We met a few times and everything seemed to be going very well. Then, I lost touch with him. He’s always online, but never messages or calls me anymore. I haven’t been messaging or calling him incessantly. This is not the first time this has happened. What went wrong?

Yours Truly, Marla Schlimazelubovitch

(p.s. I created the name. ‘Marla’ was my last cat, ‘schlimmazel’ is Yiddish for ‘bad luck’ and ‘lub’ is ‘love’ in Slavic)

Dear Marla,

Bad news! Stay away! Sound the alarm bells and tell all your cute, bright girlfriends to do the same when they meet this kind of classic, brooding, intellectual ‘artist.’

You clearly have both wit and intelligence. And that’s precisely what a blood-thirsty ‘loner type’ is looking for – he’ll close in on you like a heat-seeking missile.

You say he is always on-line – so all his life energy goes into the dark, dank, digital world. Of an arty, mercurial, intellectual disposition he is used to spending an inordinate amount of time in his head. With pornography gratis available on the screen through a simple mouse click, one of the strongest incentives to socialize or get friendly with the girls has disappeared.

I assume he lets you see the little, green, ‘on-line’ light, tantalizingly telling you: “I’m here. I’m alive. We’re connected.” It’s the behaviour of a modern-day vampire who may not even be aware of his affliction.

So nothing “went wrong” as you suggest – it is simply not your job to get him out of his head or away from the screen to remind him he is made of flesh and blood.

I suggest you wait for a healthier, less complicated candidate who will see and appreciate your sunny, happy personality.

Yours affectionately

Dr. Ovlowska xx

Visit Dr. Ovlowska’s website:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *