Love Life: Dumbfounded Dubliner

Dear Dr. Ovlowska,

I met my Polish girlfriend in Ireland and fell hopelessly in love with her fun, flirtatious ways. I thought I made a big statement when I agreed to follow her to Poland and settle in Krakow but now, four months later, I am seriously wondering if I made a mistake. She is jealous and controlling. She never smiles and keeps running off to see relatives or go to church. Can you explain what is going on?

Dumbfounded from Dublin

Dear Dumbfounded from Dublin,

I have an important job for you. If you are serious about this girl you have to seduce her. Prove that you are the handsome, mysterious stranger she fell in love with in Ireland.
Make 2011 a fantastic year, dripping with sensuality and surprises for her. Don’t let her take the lead just because you are in her country now. Your great trump card is the English language.
Give her lessons in words and phrases that can only be whispered in a lover’s ear. Tell her she is lovely. Take her hand without any apparent reason. Sing for her if you can—the Irish are famous for their beautiful voices and the Polish are hopelessly romantic; a perfect match.
My guess is that she is suffering from mild depression. Most of us react very strongly, on a subconscious level, to the surroundings we were brought up in, and it is rarely positive memories that bubble to the surface.
Communication must have top priority. Women get warm and friendly when they feel free to talk. Invite her to open up and find out what really makes her tick. What turns her on? Does she like to wear mini skirts and high-heeled boots? Does she like to watch blue movies, read naughty SMS messages from you, or would she like you to take her to a Salsa course? This kind of intimate information is indispensable for the future success of your relationship, and she needs to formulate and put it into words for you.

And on that note, allow me to wish you and the many faithful readers of this column a very HAPPY NEW YEAR. May all your most ardent wishes come true.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Ovlowska

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